some other sky

in the worrying
of the night wind
the shriek of a single bird

 

across white salt flats
something flies shrieking

 

where is my moon?
this night of wind and rain

 

I wore these in response to a poem by Chiyo-ni presented by Chèvrefeuille of Carpe Diem.

Below you’ll find various sources and literal translations of the poem, by both Chèvrefeuille and some other people who I do not know. But reading the literal translations, this is how I would write it in English if I was indeed the author, which I am not:

I walk and walk
and yet the harvest moon
is in some other sky
© Chiyo-Ni

Of course there are probably lots of allusions understood by Japanese readers that I do not have the cultural sensitivity to understand. One, for instance, is ‘harvest moon’. It is a full moon in Autumn when the harvest is coming in. Harvest is a time of abundance and plenty, but also hard work and community activity. In an agrarian culture, all hands are on board helping each other to get the winter’s food in before it spoils.

So in such a time of plenty, why is this poet walking and walking, alone in the night, looking for a symbol of plenty that is not in her sky? What a song of longing. How poignant. Such beautiful melancholy.

 

****

meigetsu ya ittemo ittemo yoso no sora

autumn’s bright moon,
however far I walked, still afar off
in an unknown sky

© Chiyo-Ni

Carpe Diem #509 Chiyo-Ni (2) ”in an unknown sky”

***

meigetsu ya                                     harvest moon;
ittemo ittemo                                   I walk, and I walk,
yoso no sora                                   yet in a sky elsewhere

http://www.michaelhaldane.com/HaikuNonJapanese.htm

***

Harvest Moon —
I walk and I walk to find
some other sky.

[白狐]

meigetsu ya
ittemo ittemo
yoso no sora

“harvest-moon (and) / going-too going-too / other-place’s sky.”

MH:[harvest moon; / I walk, and I walk, / yet in a sky elsewhere]

http://www.1001gedichten.nl/gedichten/95020/we_will_be_beautiful_!!/

****

12 thoughts on “some other sky

    1. Thanks Robert. Some folk like to keep the order the same, because how a haiku unfolds is important. also the cutting word in the original is ‘ya’ (i think) which means harvest moon stands on its own. so this is probably not true to the original but it sounds good. and I’m glad you like it

      1. Ah .. now I understand! An interesting analysis anyway. We should look closer at the literal translations to try to get the the Japanese perhaps, but if it works like it does with Italian we might come up with something weird – though interesting!

  1. You did great with this Chiyo-Ni haiku, your translation is better than the one I gave. It’s a joy to see and read how classical haiku are giving inspiration in our time … thank you Belinda for your daily effort to write and share your inspired haiku with us. Chapeau!

    1. well Kristjaan, re my “translation”, if you read the comments you will read my reservations! I have lots. But thanks for your comments, and your fruitful prompts. it is wonderful (again) this month’s responses

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